Falling from the Moon
by jcmoorehead
Summary: After tasting defeat by another Angel and finding herself unable to operate her Eva anymore, Asuka finds herself on a clifftop staring out across the ruins of the place she once called home...


_'A bridge is not a high place_ _  
The fifty-second floor  
Icarus would know  
A mountain isn't far to fall'_  
 **The Great Escape - Marillion**

Asuka peered out over the edge of the cliff, the part destroyed city of Tokyo-3 in front of her. It was no longer a city, it was a crumbling wasteland. Overturned buildings littered the streets, holes had formed in the ground exposing the geofront underneath. The only buildings left untouched were those on the outskirts, her so-called home, where she was a so-called pilot, with her so-called guardian all parts of her so-called life.

Asuka raised her arms and felt her stomach lurch as she looked below. It was a large drop and it'd be so very easy for her. So easy to just step over and end the story of her existence.

' _Sync ratio zero… my replacement will be here soon… I have nothing… I have no one… I hate this city, I hate the people left behind, I hate Misato, I hate Eva, I hate Shinji… I hate myself. I am nothing.'_

She prepared to step forward but suddenly came to the realization that she couldn't do it. She couldn't bring herself to take that step over the edge. Maybe it was the thought of how painful it might be on the way down or maybe it was something else but she didn't want to go this way.

' _Another failure, I can't even do this now.'_

Asuka took a step back and fought back the tears that had been threatening the whole time she had been on this trip. For a few days she had been wandering the ruins. Since the last Angel had attacked she had ran away, barely eating and barely living.

' _Without Eva… what am I?'_

She still wouldn't let herself cry. All she had left was that final shred of pride and dignity that no matter what she wouldn't cry. It was a promise she had made herself years ago when her mother died, that Asuka Langley Sohryu would not cry. No matter how much pain she was in, no matter how much it hurt physically or mentally it wouldn't happen.

Asuka turned around and looked around the area, she could see a small cabin some distance away. She started to walk towards it but paused when she heard a small noise from nearby. It was a sniffing sound, familiar to her. Like the sound of someone crying, or at least trying not to.

She turned towards the noise and then she saw him, sat at the edge of the cliff. His headphones in, knees brought up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. She immediately felt her blood boil at the sight of him.

' _Pathetic… weak… Shinji… of course he had to be here.'_

She narrowed her eyes scowling at the boy, the boy she was adamant that she hated. The boy who had helped to take away all she had. He was everywhere she was, from the very beginning he had occupied her mind, from the moment she let him into her Unit 02 it had been like letting him into her soul. For a while she had fooled herself into believing she liked him but he had been like the others, he had betrayed her. She hated it. Asuka didn't want to share her Unit 02 with him then, and she hadn't wanted to share her heart and soul with anyone, least of all a child like him.

Asuka turned to leave but stopped again as she heard him calling her name, it was soft. He had clearly been crying or at least trying not to.

"Asuka?"

"What?"

Asuka faced him again, he had stood up and was facing her. This was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. Talking to him, all he ever did was hurt her with his questions, with his misunderstanding and with his reluctance to take action.

"Are you… alright?"

' _Idiot, no of course I'm not alright. I'm far from alright.'_

"I'm fine, I just wanted to walk."

"You haven't been back in a few days… I was worried."

"Unlike you, I'm more than capable of looking after myself. Go run back to Misato."

She spat out her words with as much disdain as she could muster. Talking to Shinji would only complicate things, she came up here with a purpose. Maybe her words would get him to leave. Instead they just seemed to hurt him, his eyes lowered and his voice went softer.

"I… haven't seen Misato in a few days… she's… I don't want to go back."

"Hah, so the invincible Shinji is scared of Misato is he and is running away. How pathetic."

More harsh words from her and more disdain. She wasn't even sure if she meant them, she just wanted to be alone, she wanted to get rid of Shinji as quick as possible by any means necessary and if that meant hurting him then so be it.

' _Just leave Shinji, just go and leave me alone like you always have done. I needed one thing from you!'_

"I… need help Asuka."

' _Help… you never helped me, why should I care that you need help?'_

"Then go and visit wondergirl, I've seen you and her talking before. I'm sure she can provide whatever help you need. I don't have time to help a child like you."

She felt like she should just turn and walk away from him, that engaging him any further in conversation would be pointless. Yet she couldn't walk away, a part of her kept her rooted to the spot, wanting to talk to Shinji. It was the part fighting against the venom in her words. The part that had to be supressed.

"I… want to help you too Asuka."

' _He wants to help me? It's too late for that Shinji. I tried to get help from you once but it was for nothing. You're months too late to help me.'_

"I don't need your help Third, I'll repeat what I said earlier so you can get it in that thick skull of yours. I am capable of looking after myself. I don't need anyone, I don't need NERV, I don't need Misato and I certainly don't need you."

Asuka mustn't have noticed it but she was taken several steps towards him as she had spoken those last lines to him. Now there was a very short gap between the two of them. He was still averting her gaze but she could now see the red marks around his eyes, the shaking of his lip. In another time she might have felt sorry for him but not now.

"Sorry."

She wasn't sure why his weak apology affected her so much but she felt a flash of rage inside her and immediately shoved him, yelling at him.

"Idiot! Don't apologize, when you don't even know what you're apologizing for."

"I.. I.."

Shinji stumbled back trying to gather his words but Asuka didn't let him.

"You say you want to help me as well, you don't care about me. You care about yourself, you want what's convenient for you."

She shoved him again and her eyes suddenly widened at the realization of what she had done.

' _Gott no…'_

The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion as she watched Shinji stumble back some more losing his footing on the edge of the cliff. Without thinking she extended an arm just managing to grab hold of his hand as he slipped off the edge.

His weight jerked her forward into her front but she managed to stabilize herself before she too was pulled over the cliff edge. She was immediately thankful for Shinjis smaller frame, if he had weighed anymore then she too might have been pulled over.

' _Damnit, what the hell have I done.'_

Asuka felt her heart leap into her mouth as she tightened her grip on Shinji's hand. This was not supposed to happen. She had come here to end her life, not someone else's and certainly not Shinji's. No matter how much disdain she felt she had for the boy she didn't want this.

"Shinji don't you dare let go, if you do… I'll… I'll… just don't let go alright."

She heard no response from him but could feel him scrambling around on the Cliffside. She hoped he was looking for something to get hold of, maybe even pull himself back up. She was strong but she wasn't sure she'd be able to pull him up without some sort of him.

"Shinji… is there anything to grab hold of?"

"Yes, I think I'll be able to get back up."

' _Thank god…'_

"Good."

A few more moments and she felt some of the weight on her arm leave her as Shinji must have found something. She pulled upwards and within a few moments he was back with her, his face pale with fright and parts of his clothing ripped from where he must have hit or scrapped against the Cliffside. Asuka jumped up and backed away from him, she said nothing and made no eye contact.

' _I… I nearly killed Shinji, I… I'm… I'm…'_

She looked up towards the cabin she had spotted earlier. If she ran now while Shinji was still dusting himself off, she could make it without him knowing he had gotten there. She could hide there, away from him.

She turned away ready to run but as soon as she started to make any movement she felt something around her wrist. Looking for she could see it was a hand, it was Shinjis hand. She tried to pull away from it but it tightened around her and stopped her from moving. He was surprisingly stronger than he looked.

"Shinji… I'm warning you… let go of me."

No words and no action from him, his hand didn't release itself from her wrist. She pulled again, more forceful than before. He still didn't let go but her action had brought him closer to her, she could feel him standing behind her.

"Shinji… just go back home, leave me be. I'm…"

She wanted to be angry with him, to yell at him and berate him but after what had just happened she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She knew the feeling, it was embarrassment that her actions had nearly caused him to lose his life. Now she didn't know what to do or say, she wanted to be alone, away from him and anyone else.

' _Just let go of me Shinji, I'm beyond helping now. Maybe once upon a time but…'_

Asuka had no opportunity to finish her thought, she felt Shinji let go of her wrist slowly. Within a second she felt something else. It was his arms wrapped around her waist, his chest pressed against her back and his softly on her shoulder.

"What are yo-…"

She felt herself be frozen to the spot by his embrace. Her mind was telling her to scream, to shove him off and yell at him. To ask him what the hell he was doing but she was unable to do any of it. She couldn't do any of that because despite the protests of her mind, this was what she wanted.

"I…"

"Shinji… I'm sorry, you could have…"

She felt him nod into her back.

"I know…"

"Then why…"

"Because I want to help you…"

She felt his embrace relax as she stepped forward stunned at his words. Did he not realize the seriousness of what had just happened, was he really able to forgive her that quickly?

"I… don't deserve help. I'm worthless, I can't pilot anymore… I have nothing anymore…"

She turned to face him once again, this time meeting his eyes. They were still red, they were still deep and brown but his expression had changed.

"I can't do this anymore Asuka. My father… Misato… Rei… they all scare me. The Eva scares me but… you don't. You're honest with me and… I need you and I want to help you with what you're going through."

He held his hand out to her, as she studied it and thought through his words. She had known for a long time that the two of them weren't that different, that they had a connection but she had been afraid to admit it. She had feared the inevitable betrayal that came when her feelings were exposed for anything. So many times she had screamed out in her mind for him to hold her, to say something so she knew she was safe.

She took his hand and walked towards him, wrapping her arms around him and burying his head into his shoulder. She said no words and made no sound and for the first time after ten years she allowed tears to fall from her eyes.


End file.
